Jul 24, 2012

Getting Out

"Don't get your panties in a wad. I'm only doing this one."

That was my reply to Third when he walked in on me writing on my shoulder with a sharpie. He just stood there and glared at me for a while until I had finished.

"It'll have to come off you know..." he finally said, while I was blowing on it to make it dry faster.

"No. It won't." I replied firmly, standing up and pulling on my shirt. "Because fuck you, that's why."

"If you plan on-

"Well I don't plan on jack shit so you can just drop it right there." I think that's the first time I've actually interrupted him. Didn't wait for him to finish talking, didn't give him any warning, didn't throw anything, just butted right in and didn't give a shit. Then I shoved my way past him and back into what presently qualified as 'my room.'

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm leaving. You want to help me pack? I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it."

"Then you're rejecting my offer?"

I stopped and looked back at him. "I'm kicking your offer in the face."

That confused him. Good.

"You know I thought you were coming around... What set you back?" He asked as he watched me stuffing junk into my backpack.

"Nothing set me back." I replied, dropping my bag for a moment and walking straight up to him to address him face to face. "In fact, if you want the honest truth, I think you're right. I think I'm a fucking idiot. I think that not a god damned thing I've done, am doing, or will do is ever going to change the life of a single person. Especially not mine. I've been living a delusional fantasy from the start and lying to myself to make everything feel better. Well nothing's really getting any better is it? And I'm tired of moping around over every stupid little thing. I have no control. I never did. And nothing you think you can offer me is going to change that.

"Even assuming you're honest. Even assuming your little injection wouldn't just kill me outright or something. It wouldn't stop the- That Fucking THING. And if you honestly believe that it would, then YOU are the delusional one. I don't know what kind of deal you've really got going up here and I don't know how long it's gonna last, but mark my words you're going to fall just like every other smart-mouthed know-it-all that's come before you. I'm not your little lab rat anymore and I'm not your fucking bloodhound either! You want your fucking book, you find it your damned self! I don't care anymore!"

There was silence for a while and we just stared at each other. He didn't seem particularly upset or angry. I guess he was thinking. Finally he just gave me a "If that's your decision." and walked out the door.

I finished packing and went back out to meet him in the hallways. Seemed there were a few more loose ends to tie up before he'd let me leave. "What will you do now then?" he asked me, almost sounding concerned.

"Does it matter?"

"It does."

"Then I'll try not to die, how's that sound?" I'm making a lot of fancy arm motions as I'm talking during all of this. I wish I could describe it to you better. I dunno... imagine Lewis Black having a seizure. "Not that it'll help any, but hey, points for trying right?"

"I mean more in regards to what you've learned here."

"And what have I learned Third?? That you're a jackass? That I suck at life? What? You act like you've got some big secret operation going on up here, but you know what I see? NOTHING!! This whole little set up of yours is a sham! I'm not going to go around spilling all of your little secrets because you don't have any to begin with!"

A smile. "Maybe that's what I want you to believe."

"And maybe you're full of shit."

"The name then." He points to my shoulder. "Why did you put it back?"

"It's a reminder."

"I thought we-

"Not of a PERSON." I interrupted again, this time angrier than before. "But of an IDEAL. A person may be lost to the fabric of time, but you cannot destroy an idea. A Symbol. This is my reminder to fight it to the last breath, regardless of all the odds stacked against me, regardless of who I am, what I was, or what I'm going to be. I may go, but I'm not going quietly. It's not going to control me anymore. I'm going back out there and I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want. And not you or IT or anyone the fuck else is going to stop me, do you understand?!"

He stared at me a while longer and just sighed. "Very well. Then this will likely be the last you here from me. Farewell."

He took a few steps towards me. We never made contact. It almost seemed like he walked right through me. And then he was gone. And I was back in that fucking parking lot where we first met...

And it was fucking raining. Great. Now all my nice freshly cleaned shit was going to get wet, dirty, or ruined... It's always something.


Well... I guess if you've got time to worry... Then Run.

10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. See below...
      sorry for not responding sooner...

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  2. I would hope this wouldn't mean anything but I'm proud of you.

    I may not believe in symbols but I do believe in giving others the finger in pursuit of your chosen fight.

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  3. I must echo Weaver in wondering whose name you were writing once more. My assumption would be OneWinged, but you've surprised me before.

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    Replies
    1. See below...
      and i'll try to continue being unpredictable XP

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  4. The only stupidity here is anyone who believes there is such thing as a cure at all. There's only two ways out of this Game. Just two. To die... or to Win. I don't think I need to say how unlikely the latter is.

    At the very least, it's good to see you still have your head on mostly straight. Though, I must admit, I am curious as to which name you wrote. Is there a prize for the one who can guess it? Is it someone we should know?

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    Replies
    1. Shouldn't be a secret... s'probably obvious if you're paying attention. Location is everything...

      I haven't wanted to talk about it for a while now. Because I didn't want to admit they were gone. But I guess it's long past time to suck it up and move on.

      There's probably plenty of people in this mess worth remembering. Worth holding up as a symbol or whatever. Looked up to for what they did... or tried to do. Plenty of "sages" and other crap like that. Good people. But I guess I'm just more attracted to the ones that are less ideal for idol worship... so my inspiration is a Proxy.

      Her name was Michelle Lapierre.

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    2. Yeah, that didn't clear up anything for me. Was that the one who died a few months back by being ripped to shreds of flesh by the Master while hanging out with Spencer. Think she might have killed Morningstar? The 'sage' proxy?

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    3. You always did have bad taste

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    4. I could say the same of you.

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